I sit here in Christian’s CICU room, (cardiology intensive care unit) and I listen to him cry in pain…and there is nothing that I can do, but close my eyes and pray…he is crying out in pain every 2-3 minutes. My heart aches for him, I wish there was something more that I could do. I wish I could take the pain for him. All these beeps and alerts scare me, some of the beeps you get used to but the new ones…why are they going off? Should I be concerned? Is there anything I can do? Does this nurse know what he/she is doing? Why do we have to go through this? Why does my baby have to be in so much pain? Sigh…
Christian’s surgery went well, he came through it fine, no issues no nothing…it went just how the doctors/surgeons expected it to go. But this is the part that I didn’t think long and hard about…the pain part for him. This little boy is a sure enough fighter and he is strong. every time we have met a new surgeon or doctor they have been surprised or caught off guard at how well Christian looks, one even so much as said so. Wayne and I think it’s because they read his chart and they know the condition…But God!! God is up to something. I just pray that he heals my baby. That his recovery is speedy and we are able to get him home safe and sound. God please touch and heal my baby, please touch his body so that he is not being tormented with pain. Jesus please, please, please.
Last night when we were taking the boys to their Nana’s house Michael was in the backseat singing “Our God is awesome, he can move mountains, keep me in valley, hide me from the rain, my God is awesome”. All I could say was thank you Jesus, for the reminder. It pays to raise your kid’s right. God will use a child to get his word across.
Christian is getting a continuous drip of pain meds as well as the nurse can and has been pressing a button for pain medication to be distributed to him. Oh how I wish I could take the pain from him. It is so hard to hear my baby cry, and not be able to do anything to help him…I hate this.
I am so tired, I just want to sleep, we went to bed a little after 1am and woke up to come back to the hospital at 5am. I am so tired, but still I decide…do I stay here, do I go home and come back in the morning….I am so tired, I see words going down and see my hands moving but my eyes are slitssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss see I fell asleep for a second.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thy own understanding in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.