Sitting here in the hospital, Christian is sleeping, I don’t want to wake him up although I do want to hold him close. Everything is going pretty good. Christian is eating really well, anywhere between 39 and 50ml. The nurse just told me that he has been finishing all his bottles, although he did have a throw up incident, but she believed that this was because he was being messed with shortly after his feed. Christian’s numbers are good, his heart rate when I came in was in the 140’s and his oxygen in the 70’s which is decent. They did another chest x-ray and it showed that there was a little less fluid on his lung, which is wonderful!! Thank God Almighty!! We are making all the moves in the right direction. The doctors told us last week that the only thing holding Christian back from going home are his feedings, so hopefully he will be able to keep it up. I am so ready to have all my family under one roof.
Last Friday we had a two hour training on home health equipment and what is required of us when we do go home. It was a little overwhelming, but I felt ok because Children’s really equips you with a team to help you when you do go home.
We have had some uphill battles but with God we are making it through. I am not going to lie…its been hard, I have been on an emotional roller coaster, highs and lows. It is hard seeing your baby in the hospital not knowing when he will come home. Having feelings of being inadequate and not a good mom or wife, honestly a whirlwind of emotions. Thank God for a praying husband a man of God who loves me and will stand by me, cover me and protect me and not make me feel guilty for how I am feeling. Thank God for his word, that goes and does what it has been sent to do. Thank God for his peace, that surpasses all understanding. Thank God for His people, who have held me up, my family up…sending text messages, voice mails all at the “perfect” time. Last night I was cleaning the kitchen and the song that dropped in my spirit was, “Though trials are pressing me, I feel like going on, I feel like going on, in Jesus name yes I feel like going on, though trials are pressing me, I feel like going on” Although I can’t remember all the words, it takes me back to the mothers in the church when I was a little girl and the songs they would sing, I didn’t have a true understanding of those songs…today I can say I do. Some people may look at my age or my husband and think “oh they haven’t been through anything” honey you would be surprised. I will tell you this, God has used all of my children age ranges 27 weeks stillborn up to 5years of age, to share and tell of the goodness of God…and at the most opportune times.